Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The Best Worst Mom Ever

Today is my son's birthday. 

I didn't plan a big party with a petting zoo and carnival rides, I didn't make any cute handmade banners as seen on Pinterest, or craft any favors or post on Facebook about how much he means to me.  I didn't even get him a card, or a present. 

We are all recovering from the flu and just got back into our house last night.  All he wanted for his birthday was to be back in the house and to just relax all day and play video games.

He woke up at 5:21 a.m. and started playing Minecraft on the computer.  His brothers had to do all of his chores today and he went back and forth between Xbox and Minecraft.

I rolled out of bed at 10 a.m. and rolled onto the couch next to him.  We snuggled under the covers until his Grandma came with presents and then his Grandpa showed up with donuts and presents.  After noon I went to the store and bought him Fritos and Bean Dip and Dr. Pepper which is what he requested for lunch.  There were no antioxidants in any of it, to my knowledge.

Then I sat next to him while he played video games.  I went online and read a story and a profile of one of his fanfiction buddies he had been telling me about.  And he told me secrets.  Although he will deny that part.

Years of birthday traditions were laid aside. The guilt and the shame of my lack of preparation threatened to distract me from enjoying the moment.

Dirty dishes littered the house.  I found a half eaten chicken drumstick next to the clean laundry wrinkling on my dining room table.  Half unpacked suitcases lay everywhere.

And he was having the best time ever.

Dear Jesus, you are enough for me, yet you gave me my son.  Thank you for him and his brothers.  It was his birthday, and you gave me this gift:  the reminder that you are faithfully teaching me how to be a mom.  How to be a gift instead of buying gifts.  How to lead them to the One Perfect Gift.  Birthdays bring the pressure to be perfect, you bring Grace.  Please help me to give that gift generously, to him and his brothers, to myself, and to others.

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